12 weeks pregnant tomorrow. :)  Not much to report.  Nausea is now minimal and I'm finally getting some of my energy back.  I'm already wearing maternity clothes and just ordered a maternity coat since it's starting to get really cold here in Chicago!  Looking forward to finally getting the Christmas decorations up today (with hubby's help of course)!  I can't wait to start feeling this little nugget kick so that I can know that s/he is okay.  3 more weeks of progesterone and 1 more week of estrogen.  I'm really tired of my bathroom business smelling of chemicals. :\

Fast Forward!

So...it's been a while since I've posted, I know.  But an update was requested and here it goes... I'm currently 6 weeks 5 days pregnant!  We transferred 1 beautiful little 5 day embryo on 10/8, and after coming back from a week long vacation in Puerto Rico, I had my first Beta on 10/21.  It was a whopping 1005!  I am really hoping that this means that we have just one REALLY healthy little babe in there.  Thursday is our first ultrasound, so we'll be able to see what's going on in there. Everyone is over the moon and I am so looking forward to watching this little nugget grow!
I'm feeling pretty good (I know, it's early.  Lol!)  I'm always down for a nap and have slight nausea in the evenings.  No puking yet, though, and I hope to God it stays that way!!!!  ALSO, if you haven't yet, PLEASE get out and vote!  Make your voice heard!  Unless you're voting for Romney.  You can just stay home then.  ;)

My @$$...

...huuuurts!  That PIO shot is no joke!  Ouchie!  The best part is we get to do it every day.  Hooray!  Blurgh.

Anyway, retrieval went smashingly.  Our wonderful ED produced 18 beautiful eggs! :)  I can't wait to see what the fertilization report looks like.  We're almost there! :)

Update!

Lining check went ok today. Clocked in at 7.4. It's not an 8, but it's close! The RE is confident that it will be at an 8 come transfer time, so we're not too worried. Transfer is scheduled for 10/8! Squee!
HCG and my first PIO shot tonight. I'm a little nervous (hubby is VERY nervous haha), but the excitement I feel at finally reaching this point in our journey far outweighs the nervousness.  
Our first BETA is scheduled for 10/21. It was supposed to the 17th, but I'll be vacationing in Puerto Rico til the 20th. I'm hoping a nice, relaxing vacation will be just what the little emby needs to decide to stay!

And good luck to Chelle on tomorrow's transfer! Many, many sticky vibes!

Curses!

Yesterday's ultrasound did not reveal the miraculous results we were hoping for.  My lining is now at 6.5.  We're all baffled by this, since with the mock cycle, I was at a 10 after eight days on Estrace.  Also, it seems that the ED is having a bit of trouble as well, so we've still got some time to get things right.  Transfer has been moved to the first weekend of October, as long as the ED is ready for retrieval by then.  It looks like we'll be transferring regardless of the thickness of my lining.  All fluffy vibes you'd see fit to send my way are GREATLY appreciated!

Fail.

Lining check didn't go to well yesterday.  Lining was only at a 6.  I was instructed to take my last dose of Estrace of the day, and stick it where the sun don't shine...in lady parts terms, that is.  I ave another lining check scheduled in 5 days.  Let's hope that I won't be sticking pills in my vagina for naught.

So much bullsh!t

Lots of stuff has gone down since my last post, so I'll just dive right in:

My Lupron dosage was lowered after my blood work and U/S on the 7th.  I also started Estrace the following Monday. I. AM. A. MESS. I'm tired, cranky, emotional, my breasts are sore and I'm breaking out worse than a nerd before Prom.  Oy.

I have my lining check this coming Friday, and I have a feeling that they'll be taking me off the Lupron and lowering my Estrace dosage.  I am so fluffy in there, that I can feel the weight change in my uterus.  It feels heavy and full like a huge water balloon.

The bullshit aspect of this post comes from a call I received from my aunt last Saturday. Our egg donor (who signed contracts and everything) was nowhere to be found.  *Poof* she just disappeared.  As she was supposed to start her meds this week, our RE's nurse was frantically calling this woman and after three days of leaving messages, the ED finally calls back and informs the nurse that she is in St. Louis because her father had been in a car accident.  I can understand rushing to the side of an ailing family member, but who runs off without informing their agency right before they're supposed to start their cycle?!  She informs the nurse that she won't be returning for another 2 or 3 weeks, so we'll just have to push the cycle back (GAH!).  I guess she thought that she was the goose in Jack and the Beanstalk, because she acted like her eggs were golden! 

 So, aunt and uncle decide to go with a donor who works through our fertility center, and everything is looking good until they go over the contract.  Apparently, if anything happens to the ED as a result of the donation process, IP's are held liable for all medical costs.  WHAT?  Yes, they were serious.  After an agonizing weekend of playing the what-the-hell-do-we-do-now game, the wonderful ED who works through our fertility center calls to tell us that she has her own (really good) coverage and that she will sign a statement saying that her insurance will be used in the case of any unforeseen complications.  THERE ARE STILL GOOD PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!  SO, after a very emotional weekend, we're still right on track and the new ED will be receiving her meds tomorrow. :)

Despite the emotional upheaval, something really good has come from all this: our previous ED's selling point was that she looked like IP's daughter and was a Yale grad, but she had never made a donation and didn't have any children of her own.  This made me nervous about the quality of her eggs.  However, our new ED has made two previous donations, both transferred 2 embryos, and both got pregnant with twins on the first try!  She may not be a Yale grad, but her eggs ARE golden! :)

Baseline Test

My date with the wand today went swimmingly.  Everything is as it should be and I start on Estrace on Monday.  I must say, that singing along to "Have You Ever Seen the Rain" during a vaginal ultrasound is probably one of the weirdest things I've ever done...well, in front another person anyway.

Itty Bity Update

Feeling good!  Baseline test tomorrow.  If everything looks good, I'll be starting Estrace tomorrow.  Chugging along... :)

That was harder than I thought! (That'swhatshesaid)

Third day on Lupron, and I feel...fine.  No headaches or mood swings.  I'm having a little bit of trouble staying asleep and almost every time I hear Adele, I get teary-eyed.   But that's about it. :)

The first night I had to stick myself, it took me a good 5 minutes.  I just couldn't do it! I had never caused myself pain on purpose, and it is really hard to start after 31 years of living! When I finally quit being such a wuss, I found that it didn't hurt at all!

Last night, I made dinner to celebrate the recent engagement of two very good friends of ours.  The bride-to-be is in nursing school and was showing my husband the right way to inject me when progesterone time comes along.  They practiced by injecting bourbon into an orange and then they ate the orange.  What a fun way to learn how to do injections, and it comes with it's very own reward. ;)

I feel sorry for my husband.  Despite the fun of last night, he still seems really anxious about helping out with the PIO shots.  I know he'll do fine once he gets the hang of it, but still it's sweet to see how worried he is about hurting me. :)

Great googley moogley!

Let the poking and cussing begin!

First injection tomorrow!  For those of you with experience, what's the best time of day to inject your meds?

Things are happening!!!

I finally got my calendar!  I start Lupron on Thursday and we are scheduled for a September 29th transfer!  It feels real now, and I couldn't be more excited/nervous/happy.  Here's to hoping that two months from now, I'll have a BFP and some good, strong betas to show off.  :)

Where's muh calendar?

Still waiting on my calendar.  Looks like the egg donor has yet to sign the contract, like I thought she had.  *le sigh*  Hopefully everything will be squared away by the end of the week.  We're so close I can taste the Lupron!

In related news, IM is starting to feel the pressure and fear of of the possibility of a failed transfer.  I think she was so busy getting everything done, that those feelings and thoughts were somewhat kept at bay.  I know I have been feeling/thinking this stuff all along.  I don't want them to be disappointed or broke with no beautiful little bundle of love to show for it! :(

Come on September!

Everything is ready to go!  Contracts are signed and done, egg donor passed her screening, life insurance policy and estate planning sorted!  And now we wait some more.  Oy.  Will August never end?!!!

Not at all surrogacy related, but...

...one of these days, I hope to go to a restaurant where the food is so good that after the first bite, I just get up and flip the the table over.  I would probably be banned from ever returning, but I would really hope that the chef realizes that my display was the highest form of praise.

Maybe I'm a little drunk.

But I meant EVERY WORD.

Twiddlin' thumbs...

Waiting really is the hardest part!

No news is good news? Nope, not really.

So...we finally get a call from our attorney informing us that the final draft of the contract is ready for our signatures.  Oh, happy day!!!  I quickly send my aunt a text letting her know of the wondrous news.  And it turns out she has news for me: WE AREN'T CYCLING UNTIL SEPTEMBER.

Say what?!  Ugh.  

But at least we have something solid to look forward to now.

I don't know if I mentioned this in my last post, but I've been seeing a therapist to help prepare for the surrogacy.  She helps me to handle daily stresses (a.k.a. my husband and daughter) effectively so that I can concentrate on having a healthy pregnancy if we are lucky enough to be blessed with a successful transfer.

I had an appointment with her today and we discussed the possible reactions of my husband's family when they learn about the surrogacy.  We had decided from day one that we wouldn't tell them unless it was a viable pregnancy.  We're not very confident that our decision to do a surrogacy will be very well received.  I sincerely hope that this is not the case, but experience tells us that this won't go down easy.  Even my husband's parents (his dad is the IF's brother) aren't on board.  They wouldn't dream of letting my aunt and uncle know that they disapprove, but apparently, those rules don't apply to me.  Snide comments and that I-can't-believe-you-guys-are doing-something-so-crazy head shake, abound.  Grrrrrr.  There hasn't even been an embryo transfer and already so much negativity.  *sigh*

The Return

I'm back!  By popular demand. I'm in control.  I've got the upper hand.  But no, not really.  

After a small detour, we are back on track for our surrogacy.  My IP's attorney has just finished up the contract, and next week we'll be seeing our attorney to dot the I's and cross the T's.  We should be able to begin cycling right away, as both the egg donor and I are on BCP's.  

I am so excited, I could shit.  I hope to God that it works on the first go, but I am preparing myself for the worst.  We are only going to try twice, so by the end of this year, we will either be on our way to welcoming a new family member or not.  I wish I knew how this is all going to play out! 

BLOOD!

I went into a Labcorp today to take care of all of the screenings.  They took FIVE vials of my liquid gold!  I had my head turned the other way so I wouldn't see the process.  I don't usually freak out at the sight of blood, but I've found that with age, things that never used to bother me potential to make me panicky.  Anyway, when all was said and done, I saw the five vials lying on the table.  I was shocked that they even needed that much!  
The receptionist and phlebotomist were so sweet and super supportive of my reason for being there.  Of course they asked about comp, and when I told them that I was doing it for free for a family member, they both looked at me as though I were a complete nutter!  LOL!  Hubby goes in tomorrow to get his blood drawn and I'm sure they'll be asking him all sorts of questions about how he feels about me being a surrogate.  
One thing that I can't seem to deal well with is how to respond to the praise I receive.  It embarrasses me when I'm told how wonderful/caring/special etc. I am for doing this.  I love the well wishes, but I can't keep from blushing and looking down at my shoes when I'm praised for it.  I guess it's just something that I will have to get used to, as I'm learning that more people are supportive than not when it comes to surrogacy, which really warms my heart. 
After the lab work comes back clean,then all we have to do is get through contracts and then I can start taking my meds! :)  I can't wait to get things rolling!

Phew!

Turns out Aunt Flo won't be making an appearance until around the time I take the last active birth control pill in the pack.  Thank God for that!  The hubby turned three shades of gray when I told him that I was late.

In other news,what gorgeous weather we're having here in Chi-town!  68 degrees today, and it will gradually get warmer as the week progresses.  I took my little nugget to the park today for a little picnic after school.  She rode her little bike all around the park like a little speed demon 3 times.  She was so proud of herself for not giving up even when she got tired or encountered big potholes and bumps.  I love seeing her enjoy herself and do things to make herself proud.  She's a helluva kid. :)  Added bonus: she'll fall asleep in 10 seconds!  Hello bottle of red!

Oh Boy...

Aunt Flo is late.  She should have arrived 3 days ago.  I'm hoping everything was thrown out of whack due to the Estradiol I was taking for the mock cycle.  Hubby and I have been careful, but that paranoid voice in my head is screaming "OMG, you're pregnant!  You've fucked eeeeeverything up!"  Ugh.  I bet Rush Limbaugh would call me a slut if he were here.

Blogging FAIL

Ugh.  I've never been good at updating.  No wonder the only diary I ever had chronicled grades 6 through Senior year of high school.  ANYWAY...a few steps toward our goal were taken in the past few weeks.
Monday's ultrasound went swimmingly.  I was told to arrive for the ultrasound with a full bladder, so when I left home that morning, I brought a nice big travel mug brimming with mint tea and honey.  Now, I knew that the RE's office was a ways from my house, but I had no idea how far it actually was, or how long it would take to get there in weekday morning traffic.  It took about an hour and half to get there, and by the time I was halfway there, the mug of tea was almost empty.  About 10 minutes from the RE's office, I had to stop at a McDonald's.  I tried not to empty my bladder completely, but it was so hard not to!  My little pit stop caused me to be a few minutes late for my ultrasound.  They had to retrieve some eggs from another patient, so the RE decided to do that before my u/s.  I ended up having to "take a little bit off the top" twice before the RE saw me.  The RE did not look at all like I expected!  He was pretty gorgeous.  Kind of like if George Clooney and Anderson Cooper had a baby who grew up to be a doctor.  Now, I don't know other women feel about it, but I can't help but feel 10 times more self conscious when there is a good looking person tooling around down there!  Dr. Gorgeous asked if I wanted to watch the scan on a screen, so I thought, why not?  I watch medical procedures on TV all the time.  Big mistake.  While it was cool to get a glimpse at my insides, I can't see Angelina Jolie's lips without thinking about my cervix.  Anyway, he said that I have a beautiful uterus and everything looked great.  It was really hard not to read anything into that.  He said I have a beautiful uterus! *sigh*

Last weekend, we had the psych eval.  It went pretty well, aside from the psychologist being a little too flaky/crunchy for  our tastes.  She hugged us before we left which was kind of weird coming from someone you've only known for an hour.  She called my IP's and myself letting us know that she would definitely be approving us for this journey.  I am so excited to begin.  Now, we just have to get through contracts and I can begin taking my fertility meds!  Right now I'm just taking birth control pills, as we're in a bit of a holding pattern.  With all the meds and stress of the past few weeks, I haven't been able to lose any weight.  I think that I still have about 5-6 before a transfer is even possible.  I hope I can lose something by then.  Every little bit counts!

Reporting...that there is nothing to report.

Just like the title says, there are is no new news (heh heh).
I have been taking Estradiol for a little over 2 weeks now, and a side effect has shown itself in the worst way!  After losing 10 pounds, I gained back 5 immediately after starting the medication.  According to the nurse at the fertility clinic, this is pretty normal.  She also assured me that when it comes time to start the injectibles, the weight gain will be even more significant.  I'm afraid with all this weight gain coming, the last trimester of this possible pregnancy will see me in a wheelchair or on bedrest.  I am already 55 pounds overweight, so this has me a little worried.  I'm hoping that despite the meds, if I work at it hard enough, I may be able to lose a few pounds before it's time to transfer the embryo.
The uterine ultrasound is this Monday, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything will be nice and clear.  Then next weekend hubby, B&R, and I have an appointment with a psychologist to make sure that neither of us are as crazy as everyone keeps saying we are.  I got the MMPI in my inbox the other day. I haven't completed it yet, but it's over 500 questions long and some of the questions are completely mental.  I mean, if someone answers "Yes" when asked if they feel that they are sometimes possessed by an evil spirit, then it's pretty amazing that they're willing to let another couple's baby take up space in there as well.

Backstory

How did I get here?

It all started with a kiss from a handsome prince.  Well, not really.  He's had his bull(shit)frog moments, just as I have had my evil sorceress bitch moments, but I digress. 
My husband and I met in the summer of 2000, fell in love, and married in the spring of 2006. A little over a year later, our beautiful little girl was born, and we fell for her hard.  She is the meaning of our existence.  We know now that we were born so that she could be born.  Basically, we feel the same way every other parent feels about their children.

Anyway, as luck would have it, when I married him, I inherited his wonderful family.  I love these people as though they were my own family, and the feeling (as far as I know) is mutual.  So when members of my extended family ended up in a place where their last option to give their only child a sibling was finding someone to be a surrogate, I stepped up to the plate.  Before we go on, let me make it clear that I am not the ideal candidate for surrogacy, other than the fact that I am in possession of a healthy (I hope) uterus.  I am overweight, and have only one prior pregnancy that ended in a c-section and my near death of the spontaneous hemorrhaging of aforementioned uterus.  But I'm willing to try to give them the precious gift of a child, and they are willing to put their hopes and trust in me which I am extremely humbled by.

I am excited, nervous, curious, scared, anxious, and hopeful all at the same time (along with a whole host of other feelings that I can't quite name yet, but am hoping will become clearer as we go along).  We are not far along in the process yet. B&R, as they will be known from here on out, are still in the process of procuring an egg donor.  I have just started taking estrogen pills and am due to have a uterine scan in 2 weeks, to see if we can proceed with our surrogacy journey at all.  I've only been taking them for 24 hours, so none of the possible side effects have hit me yet, and I hope it stays that way.

And on that note, it's time to pick up my little peanut from my Mom, who had her and her cousins over for a pajama party last night.  I can't wait to give her a million kisses and tell her a million times that she is our everything.